Unconditional Love vs Conditional Love

I was sitting around in a funky mood wondering why love is so fickle. Love that is forever changing can’t be the unconditional type of love, I thought. And for that matter, what is unconditional love?

So I had a long talk with my guides all about human love on earth vs the all-encompassing, unconditional love displayed by enlightened gurus.

I’ll try to explain what my guides said.

Everything on Earth Has Been Twisted From The Truth

Here on earth, everything is the opposite of what it really is. People believe in a number of follies and erroneous ideas that are precisely the opposite of the truth.

For example, people think that they can’t believe in something until they are able to see it with their own eyes. You know, seeing is believing. When in fact, the truth is that you won’t see it until you actually believe it first.

What is Unconditional Love vs Conditional Love?

According to my guides, human love is fickle, conditional, whimsical and capricious.

Whether or not someone loves you has NOTHING to do with YOU and EVERYTHING to do with THEM!

Whether or not a human being loves someone depends on a huge variety of external variables and factors:

• whether or not they are allowed to love that person
• whether they feel like they are supposed to love that person
• blood ties
• and most especially more than anything else, things such as whether they feel that the person has fulfilled their expectations
• or even lies that they may have believed about the person or erroneous conclusions that they may have reached about the person

The best example of this is Othello. When he thought that Desdemona was faithful to him he loved her. When he believed that she had betrayed him, all based on nothing more than another person’s lies, he stopped loving Desdemona.

Parents may love their children when their children behave or get good grades, but if they discover that their child has, say, committed a crime, they might stop loving their child.

And of course people fall in and out of love all the time. Love can even be based purely on physical or sexual attraction. It’s no wonder the world is such a mess!

Most People Give Conditional Love

One of our objectives when we come to earth is to learn to practise and give unconditional love. But most of us don’t give unconditional love for other people. Most of us give conditional love: I’ll love you if you are faithful to me, never lie to me and have a job.

Or, I’ll love you if you behave, obey me, get good grades at school and don’t have temper tantrums.

If the child disappoints, plays truant at school, starts failing all his classes or starts to take drugs or hang out with the mean gang, we stop loving him.

We Don’t Have to Be Everyone’s Friend

When mystics and enlightened people tell us that we have to learn to love everyone, they don’t mean that we have to become everyone’s friend. They’re simply referring to, that we should respect someone even if we don’t know that person, don’t know who that person is or what he has done in his life or where he comes from.

He could be a criminal, even a murderer. He could be a Hitler. The idea is to still respect that person, treat him with kindness and compassion and accept him just exactly the way he is, without knowing a thing about him, even knowing that it’s possible he might be a murderer or a rapist.

While also at the same time maintaining healthy boundaries, of course!

That is what mystics mean when they say we should love everyone. We don’t have to love them the way we love our children or parents. Impersonal, unconditional love simply means respecting a person, treating him with kindness and compassion, treating him the same way we would like to be treated ourselves and accepting him just the way he is without judgement.

Accepting that the person is where he is at this moment in his evolution and life path because it’s where he has to be at this moment, even if it means he could be a murderer, a rapist, a paedophile......

But we don’t have to take him home with us, go out for a coffee with him or go on a trip with him, the way we would with our family or friends! We don’t have to be his friend.

That is the kind of unconditional love that mystics refer to when they say that we should love everyone.

Becoming More Spiritually Aware to Learn to Love Unconditionally

The idea is that as we evolve, as we become more knowledgeable and raise our consciousness and become more aware, we start to learn how to cultivate unconditional love, and we start to learn to love our loved ones UNCONDITIONALLY as well.

But it takes time to learn to give this type of love. We learn to give this kind of unconditional love by raising our consciousness and awareness, by evolving spiritually.

At first, at a lower level of consciousness, we’re not even aware that unconditional love exists. Or we know it exists, but we don’t know the definition of unconditional love and we’re not interested in knowing it.

As we evolve, we become aware that unconditional love exists and that it’s possible to love people unconditionally.

But we still find that, personally, we’re unable to love people unconditionally. We can’t help it. We still want our loved ones to be this way or that way before we’re willing to love them or to show our love to them.

Then, as we evolve some more, we finally learn to give unconditional love.

We lose all our expectations of people and simply accept people just the way they are at this moment.

When we reach this point in our evolution, we can never feel disappointed or disillusioned by other people again. We love them just the way they are.

If they do something that we don’t like or that hurts us, we accept that they are simply at that point in their evolution. They haven’t as yet learnt to overcome their jealousy, or their bossiness or their selfishness or whatever trait it is of theirs that made us feel like pulling our hair out.

We know that, just like children in kindergarten will one day learn the multiplication tables, but there is no point in getting mad at a 5-year-old because he can’t understand multiplication or see the point in it, so the person who disappointed us will also learn everything that he needs to know one day.

It might take him dozens of lifetimes to accomplish that, but one day it will happen.

If you’d like to learn how to love more, and to love more unconditionally, I’d love it if you’d check out my books, "The Power of Loving Yourself" and "I Love Him, He Loves Me Not", available on Amazon.

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If you liked this article you might also enjoy:

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Return from Unconditional Love to Seas Of Mintaka Home Page

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